Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
my poor anus
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
