I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
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