I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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