just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
