His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
