Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Randomize
