You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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