omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
