Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
i just sent this text using only my big toe
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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