The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
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