i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Randomize
