I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
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He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
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The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
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