the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize