i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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