I accidentally had phone sex last night
Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize