You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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