did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
My dick has a subreddit
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Randomize
