I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
I understand Curling. That high.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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