I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
