I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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