remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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