I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
