Someone shit on the floor
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
