Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I cockslap morals
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Randomize
