i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
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