the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
It all started with a game of naked twister.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
