They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
