everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
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