every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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