Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Randomize
