Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
