Michael Bay diarrhea
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Randomize
