I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
