omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
