You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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