They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
