You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
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