I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
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