How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Randomize
