he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
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