I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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