Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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