I wanna bring you to show and tell
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
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