Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
Randomize
