i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
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