i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
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