You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
