Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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