this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Randomize
