I just saw a hot homeless man
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
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