I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
