Ambien. No doubt about it.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
