Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
