So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
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