It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
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