I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
if only i could text you this smell
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
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