Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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