I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
