hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
