Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
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