You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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