Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
