just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Randomize
