im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
