Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
