you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Randomize
