Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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