dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Randomize