Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
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im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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