I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
