My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
