Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
