I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
