Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I fill condoms, not promises.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
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