After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
