you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
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