You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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