woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
