im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
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