We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
