I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize