I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
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