I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
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