And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
