i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
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