All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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